Little late post on Mother's day..
This applies to me and for those of you who are reading this and saying ‘hmm yes’.
On mother's day, apart from the love and gratitude, one may also perceive few other sticky, heavy emotions
guilt, regrets related to one's mother!
how bad one is as a mother! ha ha ha.
regrets of a working mother!
blame of the non-working mother.
anger towards one’s mother for not being that ideal mother.
and so on. you get the story anyway.
Self blame, blame on others and shame follow and add to the suffering of the individual. This could be quite common and often quite draining to the individual who is experiencing this. After all, the projected reality paints a perfect picture of this role and unfortunately yours doesn’t match with that. It is quite surprising to me that this one role is painted beyond the lunacy of this whole wide world.
Truth is, there are no perfect mothers or perfect children and there is no perfect mother child relationship. Every mother is doing her best and every child is doing his/her best too. By best, I mean to the best of their knowledge. Only if Instead of looking at how this relationship should be, if we look at what contribution this relationship is to us, then we can have some peace and transformation there.
If I look back now, I acknowledge that my parents did what they thought was the best based on what was available to them and so did I. Now that we have gained more awareness and have different perspectives of how things can be done differently, doesn’t make me wrong or them wrong. Nor is it an opportunity to look back and regret, blame and have any emotions for.
That was past, now what can be different? Even if things haven’t changed, what can you choose for yourself? Would you like to be happy or continue to suffer your expectations?
There is a possibility where mothers are joyful and children are happy. However that comes at a sweet price of dropping our expectations, judgements, perfectionism, how things should be and how things shouldn't be.
How can you enjoy being a mother more? Even being a bad mother, maybe if you enjoy your mistakes you will be less stressed and be yourself more.
How can you be more grateful to your mother than ever? Irrespective of anything.
Funny that I never wished Aai on mother's day when she was in this physical form. Grateful to the fantastic contribution she is to me even now.