I realized I was being stupid when I heard Gary Douglas, founder of Access Consciousness® talk about gaslighting.
Gaslighting, a manipulation technique that makes a person question their own reality.
What is gaslighting?
A manipulation technique used by people, often with ulterior motives to make a person lose their own sanity and doubt their own reality. It is a brilliant technique that even the brightest of the person can get sucked into. Person who is gaslighted often starts doubting their very being and loses self, sometimes completely.
To get more insight about how stupid I was and how did I get to be that stupid.
I saw the movie that Gary *suggested 21 times and *read a lot about it.
Based on my own realization and my own life experiences here are the top few mistakes of mine that made me susceptible to gaslighting.
I was full of self doubts!
When you don't trust yourself, you give up your power, that allows others to use that. When you turn to others to define you, validate you that means you have made your remote control available for others to use or misuse. That means they press it and control you, your feelings, your emotions, thoughts and actions.
If you are someone who is asking others, did I do it right? Do you think what I did there was appropriate? then you are not being yourself. Shame, judgements from others,
need to be right and fear of being wrong dominates you.
I was blind
Yup I was literally blind to almost everything I was aware about people. I used filters that blinded me from seeing the whole picture. These filters were either based on my set points of view, expectations, conclusions or images created by other people to delude.
e.g
I love this person and she can’t deceive me
He is my boss and he is powerful and he knows about me more.
When you blindly trust people, you fail to see their lies, you fail to see their lies about you, you fail to see that their actions could be affecting you. Any kind of emotion blinds you.
Have you heard this before, ‘Love blinds you’, well unfortunately that is true.
Have you seen people blindly following leaders? It is called mass gaslighting.
3. I had needs
Need is a feeling that makes you feel you don’t have much, you lack things, you don't deserve anything else in life, you don’t deserve what you have, you can't have anything else in life, and whatever you have you must hold onto very dearly.
When you have needs you become a puppet in their hands.
*When you need your job badly, you may become a puppet in your company’s hands.
*When you need the relationship you are in, your partner may pull your strings.
*When you have a particular image to present then you let that image control you.
Question
Are needs real?
Who’s lies are those? If we stop being needy then we will allow ourselves to be free of strings that others may pull to make us their puppets.
4. I wasn't being myself
When you are limited by your thoughts, feelings and emotions then you are not being yourself, you are a slave of that. That takes away you awareness, knowing, self confidence,
possibilities etc.
How to not get gaslighted?
Be aware, be yourself
Awareness is intelligence, awareness is clarity!
Dropping limiting thoughts, feelings, emotions is a way to access more of you. Meditate, practice Access Bars, do whatever works for you. I have personally benefited immensely from practicing Access Bars and meditation.
References and recommendations